Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 02

Quite a Few

21|00|00|10|L|S|There are a few people in this line. 21|00|00|02|L|Q| 20|00|00|12|R|Q| 21|00|00|12|L|Q| 20|00|00|10|R|S|Not just a few.
There are quite a few. 20|00|00|02|R|Q| 21|00|00|20|L|S|It`s not quite a few.
It`s almost a few.
But it`s not quite a few. 21|00|00|02|L|Q| 20|00|00|22|R|Q| 21|00|00|12|L|Q| 20|00|00|10|R|S|Oh, no...
It`s quite a few. 20|00|00|02|R|Q| 21|00|00|12|L|T|!!!! 20|00|00|12|R|T|!!!!

Act 01 Scene 05

Can`t Relate

07|00|00|18|R|S|All relationships are born from the selfish motives of the two parties. 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|12|L|T|???? 07|00|00|24|R|S|The relationship endures only as long as the two parties are fulfilling their own selfish motives. 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|06|L|S|Depressing notion. 07|00|00|24|R|S|So why would I start a relationship with someone who is only there to satisfy selfish motives? 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|06|L|S|You wouldn`t. 07|00|00|24|R|S|With someone who will only stay in the relationship as long as their motives are addressed? 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|08|R|Q| 08|00|00|08|L|T|???? 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|06|L|S|I`ll be your friend. 07|00|00|04|R|S|Alright. 08|00|00|04|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 10

Aldolf Sweetie

07|01|00|26|R|S|Ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich in solch einer langen Reihe, da dies zu stehen! 07|01|00|04|R|Q| 08|09|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|18|R|Q| 08|00|00|14|L|S|Adolf, sweetie, calm down. There`s nothing you can do about it. 08|00|00|04|L|Q| 07|00|00|26|R|S|Woher kommen all diese Leute und warum muss ich hinter ihnen warten? 07|00|00|04|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|26|R|Q| 08|00|08|22|L|S|It`s your own fault. If you hadn`t killed all those Jews, the line wouldn`t be so long! 08|00|09|04|L|Q| 07|00|00|08|R|T|!!!! 08|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 03

Idol Hunger

05|00|00|10|R|S|Everything you desire is an idol. 06|00|00|05|L|Q| 06|00|00|05|L|T|???? 05|00|00|20|R|S|The only desire which is not idolatry, is the desire for God. 06|00|00|10|L|Q| 06|00|00|10|L|T|!!!! 05|00|00|14|R|Q| 06|00|00|14|L|S|Am I committing idolatry when I desire a meal? 05|00|00|16|R|S|You are, if you do not thank God for granting you the meal. 06|00|00|16|L|Q| 05|00|00|06|R|Q| 06|00|00|06|L|S|By saying grace. 05|00|00|04|R|S|Yes. 06|00|00|04|L|Q| 05|00|00|18|R|Q| 06|00|00|18|L|S|By that reasoning, I should say grace before having sex. 05|00|00|20|R|T|!!!! 06|00|00|20|L|S|``God is great. God is good. And we thank Him for this....`` 05|00|00|08|R|T|???? 06|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you. 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|10|L|Q| 11|00|00|10|L|Q| 15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day... 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|???? 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze. 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!! 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing. 11|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo! 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny! 16|00|14|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|14|R|Q| 16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day! 15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day... 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|32|L|Q| 15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing. 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!! 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 07

Planting Seed

09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|S|Do you think God will be hard on homosexuals? 08|00|00|04|R|Q| 09|00|00|04|L|S|Not really. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|S|It`s an abomination! That`s what He said. 08|00|00|04|R|Q| 09|00|00|18|L|S|God`s all about procreation.
`Be fruitful and multiply.`
And all that. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|22|R|Q| 09|00|00|06|L|Q| 08|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah? 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|24|L|S|He doesn`t want us to waste it.
You know,
``Better to plant it in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground.`` 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|28|R|Q| 09|00|00|06|L|Q| 08|00|00|04|R|S|So? 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|20|L|S|He`s just a little miffed that the gays aren`t putting it where it can grow. That`s all. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|24|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|10|R|S|Then that would be true for all forms of sodomy, including oral. 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|04|L|S|True enough. 09|00|00|02|L|Q| 08|00|00|06|R|Q| 09|00|00|08|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|24|L|S|It also means that if wasting semen is a sin,
then the gays are sinning,
but the lesbians are not. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|28|R|Q| 09|00|00|08|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|10|R|S|No seed wasted there I guess. 08|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|08|R|Q| 00|DK|00|08|R|Q| 00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door. 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|20|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother. 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|Q| 00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know how many
people in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t... 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know
why trespasses happened,
and understand. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because I know
why someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
??? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 02

Where`s Jesus?

01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q| 01|00|13|24|R|Q| 02|00|13|24|R|Q| 03|00|13|24|R|Q| 04|00|13|24|R|Q| 05|00|13|24|R|Q| 06|00|13|24|R|Q| 07|00|13|24|R|Q| 08|00|13|24|R|Q| 09|00|13|24|R|Q| 10|00|13|24|R|Q| 11|00|13|24|R|Q| 12|00|13|24|R|Q| 13|00|13|24|R|Q| 14|00|13|24|R|Q| 15|00|13|24|R|Q| 16|00|13|24|R|Q| 17|00|13|24|R|Q| 18|00|13|24|R|Q| 19|00|13|24|R|Q| 20|00|13|24|R|Q| 21|00|13|24|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|S|Where`s Jesus? 22|00|13|16|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|L|Q| 23|00|13|16|L|S|I think he went
to get groceries. 24|00|13|24|R|Q| 25|00|13|24|R|Q| 26|00|13|24|R|Q| 27|00|13|24|R|Q| 28|00|13|24|R|Q| 29|00|13|24|R|Q| 30|00|13|24|R|Q| 01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q|