Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 04

Jealous Lover

04|00|08|12|L|S|Oh no. Oh no!
What did he do! 03|00|07|12|R|Q| 04|00|14|08|L|Q| 03|00|08|08|R|S|Where the
heck are we? 04|00|14|14|L|S|We got caught.
And we paid the price. 03|00|08|14|R|Q| 04|00|14|09|L|Q| 03|00|09|09|R|S|Caught?
What price? 04|00|09|12|L|S|The jealous bastard lost his temper. 03|00|07|12|R|Q| 04|00|07|06|L|Q| 03|00|08|06|R|S|You mean,
we`re...? 04|00|07|14|L|S|Oh God! Oh God!
Was it worth it? 03|00|08|14|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|L|Q| 03|00|07|04|R|S|Uhhh...
Well... 04|00|14|10|L|T|!!!! 03|00|07|10|R|T|???? 04|00|13|04|L|Q| 03|00|00|04|R|Q| 04|00|07|02|L|Q| 03|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 05

Can`t Relate

07|00|00|18|R|S|All relationships are born from the selfish motives of the two parties. 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|12|L|T|???? 07|00|00|24|R|S|The relationship endures only as long as the two parties are fulfilling their own selfish motives. 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|06|L|S|Depressing notion. 07|00|00|24|R|S|So why would I start a relationship with someone who is only there to satisfy selfish motives? 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|06|L|S|You wouldn`t. 07|00|00|24|R|S|With someone who will only stay in the relationship as long as their motives are addressed? 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|08|R|Q| 08|00|00|08|L|T|???? 07|00|00|06|R|Q| 08|00|00|06|L|S|I`ll be your friend. 07|00|00|04|R|S|Alright. 08|00|00|04|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 10

Aldolf Sweetie

07|01|00|26|R|S|Ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich in solch einer langen Reihe, da dies zu stehen! 07|01|00|04|R|Q| 08|09|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|18|R|Q| 08|00|00|14|L|S|Adolf, sweetie, calm down. There`s nothing you can do about it. 08|00|00|04|L|Q| 07|00|00|26|R|S|Woher kommen all diese Leute und warum muss ich hinter ihnen warten? 07|00|00|04|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|26|R|Q| 08|00|08|22|L|S|It`s your own fault. If you hadn`t killed all those Jews, the line wouldn`t be so long! 08|00|09|04|L|Q| 07|00|00|08|R|T|!!!! 08|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you. 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|10|L|Q| 11|00|00|10|L|Q| 15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day... 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|???? 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze. 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!! 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing. 11|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo! 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny! 16|00|14|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|14|R|Q| 16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day! 15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day... 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|32|L|Q| 15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing. 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!! 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 06

The Rub

12|00|00|12|L|S|Anyone can have a partner. 11|00|00|12|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|T|???? 12|00|00|24|L|S|As long as they are willing to adjust their standards, they will always have someone. 11|00|00|24|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|What? 12|00|00|32|L|S|So, anytime you want someone to be your partner, you have to convince them that you are more desirable than the partner they have. 11|00|00|32|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|OK. 12|00|00|24|L|S|Sometimes, this is not that hard. Sometimes, this requires considerable effort. 11|00|00|24|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah? 12|00|00|10|L|S|And there`s the rub. 11|00|00|10|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|T|???? 12|00|00|24|L|S|I could never bring myself to work that hard at proving that I was better than someone else. 11|00|00|24|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|Pity.

Act 02 Scene 09

Down to Earth

19|00|00|14|L|Q| 18|00|08|10|L|S|So listen. God and Jesus are in Heaven, right? 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|00|14|L|Q| 19|00|14|18|L|Q| 18|00|08|14|L|S|And God says ``Jesus, I need You to go down to Earth for Me.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|18|L|Q| 19|00|14|24|L|Q| 18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Aw, Come on! You gotta be kidding Me! It`s a mess down there.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|24|L|Q| 19|00|14|28|L|Q| 18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s like ``I know, I know... ... I know! ... ... But I really need You to do this for Me.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|28|L|Q| 19|00|14|22|L|Q| 18|00|09|18|R|S|And Jesus is like ``What`s in it for Me? What do I get out of the deal?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|22|L|Q| 19|00|14|30|L|Q| 18|00|08|26|L|S|And God`s like ``Well, how `bout this. When You get back, I`ll give You all authority in Heaven and on Earth.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|34|L|Q| 18|00|09|30|R|S|And Jesus is all like rubbing His chin and thinking about it. And He`s like ``All authority, huh? Alright, You gotta deal!`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|34|L|Q| 20|00|14|40|L|Q| 19|00|14|40|L|Q| 18|00|08|36|L|S|And God`s like ``Great! Listen, while You`re down there, I need You to pick up a few things. We need milk, and bread, and uhh...`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|40|L|Q| 19|00|14|46|L|Q| 18|00|09|42|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Whoa! Let Me make a list here.`` And He`s like writing on His palm with an invisible pen, and He`s like ``Let`s see. Brrrreeeaaad. What else was there?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|46|L|Q| 19|00|14|22|L|Q| 18|00|08|18|L|S|And God`s like ``You won`t need a list. We`ll talk again before You get back.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|22|L|Q| 20|00|14|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|30|L|Q| 18|00|09|26|R|S|And Jesus like tosses the invisible pad of paper over His shoulder, and He`s like ``Alright. I`m outta here.`` And He takes off. 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|28|L|Q| 18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s all waving good-bye, and He`s like ``I promise it won`t be as bad next time!`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|28|L|Q| 19|00|14|24|L|Q| 18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus stops in His tracks and looks back and He`s like ``Next time?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|24|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|09|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|08|08|R|S|So what do you think? 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|09|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|S|Dude. That is blasphemous. 18|00|08|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|08|08|R|S|It`s just a comedy bit. 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|10|L|S|A little close to home, don`t you think? 18|00|08|10|L|Q| 17|00|07|10|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|08|R|Q| 00|DK|00|08|R|Q| 00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door. 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|20|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother. 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|Q| 00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|So what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|So? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 03

His Own Image

00|DK|00|06|R|S|What`s God look like? 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|08|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|What do you mean? 00|DK|00|22|R|S|What does
God look like?
A train?
A sparrow?
A carrot? 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|26|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|I guess, an old man with a white beard? 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Fell for that Michaelangelo crap, ay? 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|T|???? 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|I don`t really know what... 00|DK|00|24|R|S|How you gonna know if you`re talking to God if you don`t know what God looks like? 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|28|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|I guess I just thought it would be obvious. 00|00|00|08|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|S|Obvious? Yeah. 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Ain`t no old man with a beard waiting for you up ahead. 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|00|22|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|S|I`m just gonna let Him deal with you. Then you`ll know what God looks like. 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|But... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 01

Is that it?

01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q| 01|00|13|28|R|Q| 02|00|13|28|R|Q| 03|00|13|28|R|Q| 04|00|13|28|R|Q| 05|00|13|28|R|Q| 06|00|13|28|R|Q| 07|00|13|28|R|Q| 08|00|13|28|R|Q| 09|00|13|28|R|Q| 10|00|13|28|R|Q| 11|00|13|28|R|Q| 12|00|13|06|R|S|Hey.
How are you? 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|12|R|S|Oh right.
You`re fine.
I knew that.
Everybody`s fine. 12|00|13|06|R|Q| 13|00|13|06|L|Q| 13|00|13|04|L|S|You know. 13|00|13|12|L|Q| 13|00|13|06|L|Q| 14|00|13|28|R|Q| 15|00|13|28|R|Q| 16|00|13|28|R|Q| 17|00|13|28|R|Q| 18|00|13|28|R|Q| 19|00|13|28|R|Q| 20|00|13|28|R|Q| 21|00|13|28|R|Q| 22|00|13|28|R|Q| 23|00|13|28|R|Q| 24|00|13|28|R|Q| 25|00|13|28|R|Q| 26|00|13|28|R|Q| 27|00|13|28|R|Q| 28|00|13|28|R|Q| 29|00|13|28|R|Q| 30|00|13|28|R|Q| 01|00|13|44|R|Q| 02|00|13|44|R|Q| 03|00|13|44|R|Q| 04|00|13|44|R|Q| 05|00|13|44|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|S|I have two children. 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|12|R|S|They were in the front row at the funeral. 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|S|Oh yeah. That`s right.
06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|Q| 07|00|13|08|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 07|00|13|12|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 07|00|13|08|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|Q| 08|00|13|44|R|Q| 09|00|13|44|R|Q| 10|00|13|44|R|Q| 11|00|13|44|R|Q| 12|00|13|44|R|Q| 13|00|13|44|R|Q| 14|00|13|44|R|Q| 15|00|13|44|R|Q| 16|00|13|44|R|Q| 17|00|13|44|R|Q| 18|00|13|44|R|Q| 19|00|13|44|R|Q| 20|00|13|44|R|Q| 21|00|13|44|R|Q| 22|00|13|44|R|Q| 23|00|13|44|R|Q| 24|00|13|44|R|Q| 25|00|13|44|R|Q| 26|00|13|44|R|Q| 27|00|13|44|R|Q| 28|00|13|44|R|Q| 29|00|13|44|R|Q| 30|00|13|44|R|Q| 01|00|13|18|R|Q| 02|00|13|18|R|Q| 03|00|13|18|R|Q| 04|00|13|18|R|Q| 05|00|13|18|R|Q| 06|00|13|18|R|Q| 07|00|13|18|R|Q| 08|00|13|18|R|Q| 09|00|13|18|R|Q| 10|00|13|18|R|Q| 11|00|13|18|R|Q| 12|00|13|18|R|Q| 13|00|13|18|R|Q| 14|00|13|18|R|Q| 15|00|13|18|R|Q| 16|00|13|18|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|10|R|S|Not much to talk about up here,
is there? 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|L|Q| 18|00|13|10|L|Q| 18|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 19|00|13|18|R|Q| 20|00|13|18|R|Q| 21|00|13|18|R|Q| 22|00|13|18|R|Q| 23|00|13|18|R|Q| 24|00|13|18|R|Q| 25|00|13|18|R|Q| 26|00|13|18|R|Q| 27|00|13|18|R|Q| 28|00|13|18|R|Q| 29|00|13|18|R|Q| 30|00|13|18|R|Q| 01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q|